Healing

Are you in the trenches? Praying it gets better? Feeling hopeless? Wondering if you will ever see the light at the end of the tunnel? This post is for you. I’m here to tell you it can get better. I’m here to tell you that healing is possible. Many years ago, I sat in your exact shoes. We were struggling to make it through dinner without a massive melt down. The thought of completing elementary, middle and high school seemed to be damn near impossible. We were in such crisis I couldn’t see 24 hours in front of us, let alone a decade. I couldn’t get my child to cooperate or follow instructions to simply put shoes on. Teen pregnancy, addiction and sneaking out were what I envisioned for those dreaded high school years. I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep, wondering if there really was any hope for her future. If only I could go back and tell myself the answer to all my questions was “Yes! Healing is possible. A future is possible.” I would have saved myself a whole lot of heartache if I could have known that not only would we be surviving but we are thriving. We didn’t just luck out. We didn’t just dodge a bullet. We worked tirelessly for years on healing the deep wounds that child abuse and neglect had left on our daughter’s heart, mind and body. There was no quick fix, or magic pill. It was hours and hours of individual therapy, family therapy, intensive in home therapy, bio neurofeedback, and you guessed it, more therapy. It was late nights spent answering questions that no child should have. It was years of building trust, messing up and asking for forgiveness. It was learning that healing is not a destination, it is a lifelong commitment of managing anxiety and expectations. It was learning a new way to parent and literally altering the way we interacted with our children. It was making the choice to love our child even on days when she wasn’t so lovable. It was never giving up on her even when she gave up on herself. It was teaching her that she is lovable and she is worthy. It was showing up day in and day out. Our daughter had to make the choice to get up out of bed every day even when she didn’t want to. She made the choice to work hard and put the effort in. She could have easily been another statistic. She made the choice to not let her history define her future. She chose to not be a victim anymore. Her healing started the moment she walked into our home a little over a decade ago and her healing will continue for the rest of her life. That’s the tricky party of trauma, there is no finish line. It’s constant work and effort. To say I am proud, is a giant understatement. This past weekend, our girl not only graduated high school, she graduated with honors. She was inducted into the National honor art society, maintained straight A’s her entire senior year, actively participated in the chick fil a leadership program, painted multiple beautiful murals around her school and surrounded herself with good friends. When teachers described her they said she was a hard worker, respectful and empathetic. She is currently working two jobs, where she is in leadership roles for both. She will be attending college in the fall where she hopes to pursue a degree in social work. She is a true testament to the power of hard work and healing. She has put in the work and we are so incredibly proud. Hear these words… trauma rewires the brain, but so does healing. Put in the work, your effort will not be wasted.