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No need to be embarrassed.
This was not what we had scheduled to post tonight but sometimes we need to keep it raw and real. Our family attended an open house a few nights ago for an amazing company that has literally changed the trajectory of our lives. We consider them more family than friends at this point and we were thrilled to be able to share in their growth and success. Shortly after arriving, some of our children quickly became very dis-regulated. Some of them began head-banging. I got bit twice. They were yelling, arguing, interrupting adult conversations incessantly and stimming. Sneaking sweets and flat out disobeying things we had talked about and prepared…
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Healing
Are you in the trenches? Praying it gets better? Feeling hopeless? Wondering if you will ever see the light at the end of the tunnel? This post is for you. I’m here to tell you it can get better. I’m here to tell you that healing is possible. Many years ago, I sat in your exact shoes. We were struggling to make it through dinner without a massive melt down. The thought of completing elementary, middle and high school seemed to be damn near impossible. We were in such crisis I couldn’t see 24 hours in front of us, let alone a decade. I couldn’t get my child to cooperate…
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A moment in my arms, forever in my heart.
I feel like there are a lot of things about foster care that don’t ever get discussed. We hear about the children that have been in foster homes for months or even years and the grief that follows when those children are reunified or move to another placement. The goal of foster care is temporary. This grief kind of comes with the territory. If you are doing foster care right, you have to put your walls down, you have to attach and you have to love whole heartedly. These children deserve that. That’s not really what I want to talk about though. Obviously, if you have cared for a child…
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Hope
It was a year ago today, we met you for the very first time. Your foster family brought you over to meet Daddy and I. We sent the other kiddos to the pool with Nan because we just wanted some one on one time and to allow ourselves the space to process that you could be our forever daughter. I was in love with you before I ever even met you, and Daddy knew you were special as soon as he laid eyes on you. I will never forget how incredibly alert you were. You didn’t miss a thing. Your amazing foster mom showed us how to work your special…
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The daughter I almost kicked out.
I can’t tell you the number of times we have been told “you are an Angel” or “I could never do that.” Please don’t ever put me or any other foster parent on any sort of pedestal. The reality is, we are just people. We make mistakes, we fall short, we are far from perfect. My husband and I were working on cleaning out the garage last week. There was a Rubbermaid box that we had moved from our old home to our new home and never got around to going through it. My husband started sorting through the items and was instantly stopped in his tracks. He held 8…
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Skipping Mother’s Day
Well it’s the night before Mother’s Day and if I could just sleep through tomorrow that would be wonderful. Not for reasons you are probably thinking. It’s not because I’m physically exhausted. It’s not because I’ve been homeschooling 8 children for last few months. It’s because of the pain that tomorrow will bring. I wish that we could just blink our eyes and this particular day would be behind us. Mother’s Day is such a painful reminder for so many. I am incredibly blessed to be a mama to some amazing kiddos. Every day feels like Mother’s Day to me. I often just wonder how I got to be so…
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Breaking the cycle
Breaking the cycle.Have you heard this phrase before? Have you ever sat and pondered what this actually means? In the foster care world we hear this a lot. Child abuse and neglect are often vicious cycles that tend to repeat themselves. We have children who are beaten and told they are worthless everyday of their life. This kind of trauma doesn’t exactly create level headed, confident teens and adults. Obviously, some abused children grow up and are determined not to let their past dictate their future. These individuals are few and far between. The amount of drive and desire this takes is truly admirable. Unfortunately, not everyone is that strong.…
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Trauma doesn’t take a vacation.
It’s 11pm. I should be in bed unwinding, maybe watching a little tv, or reading a book. Instead I’m walking around the hotel grounds, because vacations are a trigger. Since the folks in the hotel room next to us don’t understand trauma. Since slamming doors and screaming “Don’t touch me” are not acceptable things to do in a hotel room, we walk. We walk around aimlessly, in the cold, wearing our pajamas. I didn’t have time to look for my shoes, so I quickly slipped on my husbands sneakers and I could only coerce my child into flip flops without an additional melt down. You see I don’t even know…
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Hope.
This past week, I attended a memorial service hosted by S.C.A.N. of Iredell county. It was a service to remember all the children who lost their lives to child abuse and neglect in 2017 in the state of North Carolina. I have attended this same event in the past and every time, I leave there feeling extremely emotional, overwhelmed and completely helpless. I will never understand how a parent can hurt their child. I will never be ok with the fact that children die at the hands of their parents. I can not fathom why there aren’t more people there to show their support for the prevention of child abuse…
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Things I wish every teacher knew.
The beginning of the school year is an exciting time for so many. Children are excited to see their old friends, meet their new teachers and make new friends. This is true for most children but when children have experienced trauma they tend to handle stressors differently than most. I know for my children, even though they are excited about the new school supplies and seeing their friends, their anxiety has been through the roof. They tend to act out, they are extra fidgety and are lacking self-control. They keep asking the same questions over and over. I am dreading the thought of new teachers, who don’t know their history,…
