Breaking the cycle

Breaking the cycle.
Have you heard this phrase before? Have you ever sat and pondered what this actually means? In the foster care world we hear this a lot. Child abuse and neglect are often vicious cycles that tend to repeat themselves. We have children who are beaten and told they are worthless everyday of their life. This kind of trauma doesn’t exactly create level headed, confident teens and adults. Obviously, some abused children grow up and are determined not to let their past dictate their future. These individuals are few and far between. The amount of drive and desire this takes is truly admirable. Unfortunately, not everyone is that strong.

There are approximately 700,000 children that are abused and neglected every year in the United States. It has been proven that children who are abused and neglected process information differently. Their brains develop differently and many times this creates life long effects. Children often suffer from anxiety, attachment disorders, ADHD, sensory processing, PTSD, ODD, sleep troubles and the list goes on and on. Many times these mental health issues have mind altering medications thrown at them until the children grow up and decide to start self medicating because those band aids are falling off and it takes every ounce of energy they have to hold it together. These teens and adults are worn down. They easily fall into drug and alcohol addiction. This leads to bad choices, domestic violence, unplanned pregnancies, and lots of burned bridges. These hurt children have children of their own. They aren’t capable of caring for them properly. They were never even taught how to properly care for themselves. Once drugs and alcohol sink their teeth in, survival is now dependent upon the very thing that may cause their demise. The drug problem in this country is running rampant. How can we expect someone who is willing to do anything for drug money properly care for and supervise a child. What kind of people are they bringing around their already at risk children? We have to provide support, we have to step up for these teens and young adults without enabling their bad choices.

Thankfully more and more studies are being done on how trauma affects a child’s developing brain and thankfully it doesn’t have to be a losing battle. We have to get ahead of it. We have to stop the cycle but again how do we do that? It’s really easy to get angry and frustrated at birth parents who aren’t meeting their children’s basic needs or who abuse their children. There are no excuses for this but I can’t help but think about this vicious cycle that we have all heard about. How can we stop this trauma from spanning over generations? What is needed to heal these teens and young adults who have been rocked to their core by childhood trauma and are staggering straight towards adulthood with more baggage than anyone should have to carry?

The mental health system in our country is failing. We have abused and neglected children, being refused treatment that works because their medical insurance won’t recognize the facts or studies. These medical insurance companies aren’t prioritizing mental health. We need to get insurance companies on board. There are numerous types of therapy that can help heal and and retrain these hurt brains. Why do treatment options depend on the county or state you live in? We would rather medicate and put band aids on the deep scars and wounds that childhood trauma cause rather than healing them from the inside out.
Obviously, being a mama who deals with the effects of trauma everyday, I tend to see things a little different. I can’t help but feel like we are fighting a losing battle. Trauma is a slippery slope. One that needs to be fought every. single. day. Trauma is real. It’s effect on children is real. The questions are great, the answers are sparse. The one thing I ask of you, show a little more grace to the young mom in the grocery store who is struggling. Show some empathy to the homeless man on the street. Don’t be so quick to judge the temper tantrum an 8 year old just threw in your child’s classroom. We may not have all the answers, we may not know how to break this cycle, but we can all start with ourselves. Are your interactions with people encouraging? Do they provide hope?

The weight of this knowledge is almost too much to carry. I have said it before, and I will say it again, once you know, you can’t un- know. There will not be a single day that goes by that I will not carry the weight of foster care and trauma with me. We can all do better.