An open letter to my children’s Birth Mother…

Dear Birth Mom,

I saw you sitting in the court room, knee nervously shaking, and fingers tapping, as you waited for the judge to call yours and your children’s names. I saw you feverishly looking around, hoping to get a glimpse of your attorney. We were both apprehensive, as we smiled and hesitantly waved at each other. I could feel your nervous energy as your attorney called you out of the court room to discuss your “case”. I saw the tears welling up in your eyes when you came walking back into the court room. The look of disbelief, the sheer panic, because you had just come to the realization that all your efforts were probably not going to be enough. I saw that you were at court all by yourself. I could also tell that you haven’t been taking care of yourself. I completely understand. Let’s be honest, this has been a long and tough journey. I know since your children were taken, you have had a hard time finding your purpose. I saw the shame in your eyes when the social worker testified to the reasons your children were removed as well as all of your shortcomings since they have been in custody. I have seen the many times you signed consents at previous court dates, because the pain and agony of having to listen to all your past mistakes was too much for you to bear. I heard about your struggles with drug addiction and domestic violence. I know it probably felt like the whole court room was judging you, but I promise you, I was not. Your attorney called you to the stand and I could hear how shaky your voice was as you stated your name for the record. I could see the love for your children outweighs your fear of embarrassment. I could hear the tone of your voice change when you talked about how much you love and miss them. There is no denying the love you have for your babies. I could tell that you didn’t want to make eye contact with me. When it was my turn to testify, I was asked questions about the ins and outs of your children’s day to day life. I was asked about the bond your children have formed with my family. I was asked if the court decided to terminate your parental rights and place your children for adoption, would we be an adoptive placement? I heard your quiet sobs as I stated that we would be honored to adopt your children. I’m sure you noticed, I avoided eye contact with you too. I know how very hard that must have been to listen to. I am sorry for causing you more pain. I hope you know that would never be my intention. I want you to know I have supported reunification every step of the way. I have thought about you and prayed for you daily. I have worried about you when weeks passed and nobody heard from you. I want you to know that your children love you very much. We talk about you and we assure them that you love and miss them too. I can only imagine how you are feeling. I often try to put myself in your shoes. I’m pretty certain that you don’t have very many reliable people in your corner. I’m sorry that there have been so many people in your life that have failed you in the past. Regardless of what ruling the judge makes, please know that the love we have for you is infinite. Thank you for blessing this world with your beautiful children. Thank you for loving them first, and every day since. We know that God has wonderful things in store for them. 

All my love,

Alyse