Skipping Mother’s Day
Well it’s the night before Mother’s Day and if I could just sleep through tomorrow that would be wonderful. Not for reasons you are probably thinking. It’s not because I’m physically exhausted. It’s not because I’ve been homeschooling 8 children for last few months. It’s because of the pain that tomorrow will bring. I wish that we could just blink our eyes and this particular day would be behind us.
Mother’s Day is such a painful reminder for so many. I am incredibly blessed to be a mama to some amazing kiddos. Every day feels like Mother’s Day to me. I often just wonder how I got to be so lucky. How was I the woman chosen to be their forever mom? The harsh reality is that tomorrow is going to suck. I am actively trying to figure out ways to down play Mother’s Day. For many of my kids, it is going to be a painful reminder. They are going to be reminded that they are not with their birth moms. They are going to be reminded of painful memories, hurt feelings, empty promises, failures, as well as all the happy times. I think those happy memories may hurt worse than the bad ones. It’s hard to understand how you can love someone so much but also understand that love is not enough to provide for a child. They are going to long to hear their birth mothers voice. Long for her embracing hug. Tomorrow, my hug won’t be enough. Tomorrow, some of them will take their anger out on me. It’s ok, I’ve learned not to take it personally. Chances are, I will cry. Not because they have hurt my feelings but because my children will be hurting. Their birth moms will be hurting. It is pure agony just thinking about it. Tomorrow will bring questions that I don’t have answers to. It will bring skipped meals, slamming doors and lots of coping skills. We will most likely try to tune out as much pain as possible by watching junk movies, eating lots of sugar and pretending like tomorrow isn’t Mother’s Day.
All I want for Mother’s Day is for it to be over. I wish we could just do away with this Hallmark holiday. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh and don’t get me wrong all moms deserve to be celebrated. I just wish I could shelter my children from the heart wrenching pain they are going through.
The sadness and anger have already started to pop through. Stomping around the house, the words “get out” and “leave me alone” have already been uttered and it’s only 9pm on the eve of Mother’s Day.
Some of my kids don’t have memories of their birth mom so it is very confusing to them why this day is so hard on some of our older children. It’s going to be hard to walk a thin line of sharing in the littles excitement when they want to make me breakfast in bed (I’ve already been told they are bringing me waffles and ice cream in the morning) and being careful not to rub salt in the open wounds of my other children.
Celebrating Mother’s Day with no regards for the deep trauma that my children have would be incredibly irresponsible and go against everything I have learned. I have even found myself not being a good daughter myself and making sure that I have the perfect gift for my mom these past few years because I just try to block this day out. I pray for a day that my children will be in a place where they can be comfortable celebrating all the moms in their lives. I pray they find peace and comfort tomorrow. I also pray for their birth moms who are desperately missing their children.
To all the amazing moms out there, birth, foster, adoptive, soon to be and waiting, Happy Mother’s Day.
